I am, obviously, not a good blogger because good bloggers should block regularly; shouldn't they? As my blog will tell you balance in my new personal challenge. For me, my life changed quickly in the last 6 months. I am slowly but surely working on getting my life where I want it to be. So, where am I now Before we get there lets talk about the last year.
I knew moving to Louisville would bring a lot of changes in my life and I was right. These changes have challenged me to take a closer look at my life and I realized I needed to make some changes.
- I tweaked my friendship with Josh. The tweaking was hard but necessary. I think we fought more in the first 6 months of his move to Louisville than we had in the last 10 years; but where there is growth there is usually growing pains. The separation caused both Josh and I stand on our own two feet in life instead of rely so much on the other. I was able to see how I took on the responsibility of hold Josh accountable for the things that he did not do so essentially I was mothering him. About the time this tweak was worked out Greg and I started dated. This transition was hard for Josh and oddly easy for me. He felt as though he wasn't as important to me. After few heartfelt conversations our friendship is the best it has ever been!
- I ended my friendship with Riley. As you may know I toyed with this idea on and off for a long time. I don't know that I can pin point the exact reason I kept him in my life (though many of you have your own feels about this) for so long other than there was just something about him that I really liked. In all honestly, I think there was something about his potential that I really liked. We all know that you can't like someone for their potential, you have to like for who they are. I know there is a part of me that could not let go of the hurt that I felt over how he treated me the week before I moved or how he behaved once he was in Louisville. I have let go of those hurt feelings and there is a small part of me that feels a loss without him in my life but I have no regrets about the choice that I made so I know it was the right one.
- With my eyes wide open I jumped into a relationship with Greg. Within a month or two we were talking about marriage and living together. I knew that things were moving fast but I was (am) enjoying the ride. It was a nice feeling to not be so calculated. The last couple months have been rocky. They haven't been horrible but haven't been a bowl of cherries either. Communication and balance are challenges in our relationship. Is is interesting how communication and balance aren't an issue when there is nothing at stake. I am not the world best communicator and I tend to be more confrontational than communicative especially when I have tried to be a 'good' communicator. I also want to hash everything out (leave no stone unturned) and not dice things up and deal with them a bit at a time. So we are working on how to communicate in way that works for both us of us and how to balance kids, jobs, needs, wants, responsibilities, and our relationship. Happily at the end of each day I have no regrets.
Where am I now? I am continuing to challenge myself to find better balance in my life. There are a two specific areas of my life I want to focus on: health, spirituality.
- Health: I was walking 3 to 5 miles a day when I lived at Josh's. I was walking when I moved to Greg's but it is a longer drive so I didn't walk as frequently. Greg and I joined a gym the local gym but I ended up not being impressed with it. So last week I started the Power 90 workout program that Josh bought and never used. Although I have not worked out this week (because I haven't arrive at home before 8 pm) I am really enjoying the workout program. I am also working on how to eat better in Louisville. I am not impressed with food options here. The fresh food doesn't last long so to eat they way I like I have to make several trips to the store a week which is very frustrating. I think my biggest issue is I am not inspired to do be a creative cook. All the 'good' grocery stores (Fresh Market, Whole Foods) are so far out of the way that I can't go there on a regular basis; they are also twice as expensive as the general grocery stores. Not very economical. I am hoping things will be better when we move to Knoxville. (Crossing fingers) I have already seen a huge Earthfare not far from the area of town we want to live in.
- Spirituality: Greg is a Christian and attends a Baptist church on a semi regularly basis when he is in Knoxville. Religion and his faith are important to him. I have been to his church several times and I don't mind it. I like the preacher, Rocky. He is a no-nonsense, straight talker. His sermons are reality based. Like last week was about Definite Responsibility which basically boiled down to you are responsible for the kind of relationships you have with people. I haven't been to a sermon of his when I couldn't apply something to my life. This being said Greg and I struggle because he embraces Jesus and all that encompasses that and I, on the other hand, embrace our ability to coexist with the same purpose. My struggle boils down to what I believe is the hypocrisy of organized religions....our way is the only way....makes me want to scream TOLERANCE, ACCEPTANCE! And ask how can you preach love and acceptance but teach that homosexuality is a sin? The good thing is that basically Greg and I have the same values because clearly our spiritual believes will never be on the same page but hopefully we will continue to work on staying on common ground.
A few pics
Greg, Carson, Me @ Family Reunion in June
Greg and I visiting the family in March
